MR HACK No. 106

It is funny ... you come to the pc to prepare an update and you are wondering just what to put up to entertain, annoy or puzzle whoever might come along to have a look ... Such was the case a couple of days ago when 'ping' Outlook Express informed me that a new message had arrived and the sender was telling me how he enjoyed the 'sterling work' being done on copyboys and that he 'may get around to contributing but am a bit shy ...'. I have to tell him his moment has arrived because it was Don McAleer and he sent me a great picture (above) and he wrote:"I came across this pic recently and it may be of interest to some of your readers. A caption attached reminds me of Freddie Gamble telling me that anyone who produces a picture without a caption and a date deserves to be shot. I think he was right!" He was right ... I am holding publication of the caption to let our readers guess the names of the people they can see and the year it was taken ...

Comments

[Chris Ryder]

Oh they were a hairy bunch! Can identify some of the hirsute faces but not all. Will leave detective work to others.

[Derek Black]

Great pic. I had hair then too - sideburns and mustachio. Think I recognise the lot from the early 1970s. Don the Beatle is the star.

[Derek Black]

L/R Michael Drake, Chris Kelly, Wendy Austin (!), Deric Henderson, Don, Robin Morton, Ivan Little, John Wallace, Martin Lindsay, Billy Graham,Jim Gray, David Neely.

Surprised myself there - after 40 years! Hope I got them all right. Apologies if not

[Blogmaster]

Almost all right, Derek ... good effort. It isn't Wendy Austin but Pamela Watson, the News Desk secretary at the time, and not Billy Graham either, I am assured, but Oliver McGuckin. In addition, that's Michael McDowell's eye and chin on the left and Noreen (Corky) Erskine's hand holding the glass on the extreme right.

[Chairman]

Thanks Derek. Knew every one of them like a brother but sadly some of the names wouldn't come off the tip of my tongue. Is it possible, in this age of miracle cures, that there is some magic memory gene that could be grafted on to the tip of a pensioner's tongue? It would be really handy when you meet people in the street who have really familiar faces but no name tags. Some days you feel a bit like that drunk at a party who tries flirting with a mysterious lady who turns out to be his wife. If such a magic memory appendage is available I herewith put my tongue down for the op. And my keyboard.

[Chairman]

PS. Pretty sure that isn't Wendy Austin. I think it was the newsdesk secretary, the lovely whatshername. Quick nurse. The screens.

[Chairman]

Eureka! Just came to me. That girl is Pamela whatshername.

[Derek Black]

I stand corrected but suspect that blogmeister has inside info on Corkey and McDowell.

[Chairman]

Eureka 2. It suddenly occurred to me that Pamela whatshername sounded pretty close to the lady's actual name. What do you think of Pamela Watson? It sounds familiar. Or am I thinking of that woman on Dallas? The one dead Bobby surprised on the shower.

[Derek Black]

Maybe that's Billy Graham escaping from Michael Drake's ear!

[ruthie]

I thought it was The Beach Boys without the surf boards. Award for best blue eyes, Michael Drake, of course.

[Chairman]

How come Ruthie's got a colour channel and we ain't?

[William Graham]

Great picture. I think that is me just to left of Mr Drake's ear. Billy Graham.

[Chairman]

Either some copyboy is playing a hoax or someone has mistaken me for J. Edgar Hoover. In the mail the other day was a letter addressed to Mr. William Simpson from the Eden House Lingerie company advising me of the virtues of their "Magic Bra". Apparently it comes in eight different sizes and you can have the original Magic Bra or the Cotton or lace versions. Now whoever typed the address, included the prefix Mr. So cannot have been under the delusion that it was other than a man. All I can say is "Why am I being given this information? And is there some Copyboy out there with a bizarre sense of humour?" (For anyone who is interested,the special 10p off, offer ends on Novermber 25th, but personally, I think it is up to women - and J.Edgar Hoover - to buy their own underwear). Anyone else getting this kind of cross-dressing junk mail?

[sm]

Yes - me! I order it, of course. (Just for week-ends you understand.)

[RedRick]

Yes, what a great set of beards, hardly recognised Draky - looks more like a shorter Ian Hill!
Don't recognise everyone but (left to right) Michael Drake; Chris Kelly; Lorrae Thompson???;......; Don McAleer; Robin Morton;......; .......; Martin Lindsay; Ollie McGuckin; Jim Gray and David - thanks for your dad's boat rod, it's a treat to use and has boated lots of mackerel, pollack and wrasse since you gave it to me -Neely!

[PRESIDENT]

May I remind the Chairman that general commercial advertising is not allowed on this channel. Just like the BBC, it is a public service channel, in this case - for journalists.

His mention of the Eden House Lingerie company constitutes what can only be described as a naked plug for a specific commercial enterprise.

Notwithstanding the fact that the company sells front-opening bras (which would have been very handy in an earlier era populated by the Chairman and other male colleagues) it remains unacceptable.

The only exception to the rule on advertising permitted here is the hawking of books by, for or about journalists and journalism -a necessary move to help journos make a few extra bob in these recession-ridden times.

Any further breach of our rules may result in our Chairman appearing before a disciplinary committee at Copyboy Towers.

[A.McQ.]

Mr President,
Will the hearing involving The Best Chairman We Ever Had - if there is one - be in camera if the evidence is perceived to be too titillating and salacious or in a bar? I cannot imagine the Old Gentleman appearing in person unless there is something on offer with which to whet his whistle. If he needs a good defence counsel I can recommend Tom Crone who doesn't have a lot to do these days. And Tom, like The Best Chairman We Ever Had, does like a drink.

[Chairman]

I am sorry if anything I wrote breaks the rules of the blog. But honestly, I didn't think it was advertising. More of an expose'. My irritation with the company had less to do with the offer of a bra than the fact that they were trying to sell me empty ones. I recall a scene from an old Bob Hope movie of the 1940s when he opened a parcel and a pair of nylon stockings fell out. He picked them up, handed them to an underling and said "Boy. Take these out and have them filled." I have no fear of the courtsmartial or the judgement of a jury of my peers. Those who know me well will have no difficulty voting "Not Guilty - due to diminished responsibility." This defence has always worked for me before. (P.S. How does our esteemed President KNOW that the garments advertised are 'Front opening'? I didn't know that.)

[PRESIDENT]

As the Chairman blatantly advertised the name of the firm, I conducted a preliminary investigation in preparation for depositions. Googling it,I found a shameless hussy displaying a bra clearly labelled "front-opening" I quickly averted my eyes.

Also, for the avoidance of doubt, defence counsel are not allowed. There is nothing in our constitution that permits or recognises the concept of defence.

[Chairman]

No wonder young men have become so lazy. Everything is so much easier today. Front loading bras. None of that fumbling at the back to free clasps that needed safecracker skills to unlock. Easy-access bras weren't invented when most of us were struggling with them. And there were fewer easy access women around in those harsh Calvanistic times.

[Cal McCrystal]

Front-opening bras are perfectly in tune with modern practice and a further welcome advance in sexual equality. After all, men have enjoyed front-opening underpants for many decades, so it's only fair to see women taking a step up, as it were.

[A.McQ.]

And another thing.........Copyboys Rules quite clearly state there are NO rules so The Best Chairman We Ever Had must be innocent, particularly as he has led such a blameless life of moderation. The case must be dismissed instead of bouncing around worrying the old booby.

[Chairman]

OLD!!????

[Smyth]

Speaking of bras, I learned a bit of Bislama (pigeon) when I was in Vanuatu. Bislama for bra is "basket blong titties.'' A condom is "rubba blong fuk-fuk.'' A piano, I recall, is "bigfala bokis blong whaetman, tut blong em sam i blak, sam i waet,taemyu kilim emi singaot.'' (Big whiteman's box with some white and some black teeth; when you strike it, it cries out.'' Prince Charles is "numba wan pikinini blong Kwin.''

[Smyth]

Sorry, misspelled "pidgin''.

[Graham]

What is pidgin for "Breaking News"? Or "Some news just in"? or "Coming up later in the programme"? Do they have tv? And what about newspapers? Must know this!

[Chairman]

Where the hell is Vanuatu? And that language of their's looks suspiciously like textspeak. I think Mitch is making this up. And how are the newspapers selling in Middle Earth? Still on the slide?

[MS]

Billy: In geography at Portrush High, you were taught about New Caledonia. It's now Vanuatu. And because there are 100 or so tribal languages, pidgin is used to bridge the gap. Everyone in that area of the South Pacific, from Papua New Guinea thru the Solomons and down to Vanuatu uses it as a common tongue. I lived -- well boarded -- for a time with a tribe on the island of Tanna, a tribe that worships Prince Philip as their god. (And , yes, they do have Bislama ``niuspepas''. And radio, but no TV. )

[Derek Black]

BBC Traffic bulletin - "....and a van has broken down at Greencastle, which is now on the hard shoulder" Must have been a JCB!

[Graham]

SUBS - SO NOW YOU KNOW
This from Press Gazette:

Ed Curran: Number of regional reporters is unchanged

18 November 2011
By Andrew Pugh

The editor-in-chief of Independent News and Media in Northern Ireland has claimed that the number of reporters employed in the regional press has remained largely unchanged over the past decade.

Edmund Curran, the former editor of the Belfast Telegraph, believes that sub-editors and design staff have instead borne the brunt of the cuts.

The former president of the Society of editors agreed that staff budgets had had seen a “substantial" reduction but “not, crucially, in the context of writing journalists”.

This was part of a trend for production and subbing to be outsourced or centralised in regional hubs, he said.

He told a joint Parliamentary committee investigating the future of investigative journalism: “The newspapers tend to say, with our editorial budget, we want to use that money for staff who are actually writing in the paper, who are investigating in the paper, reporting in the paper – rather than, to put it blunt, pushing pens around and drawing pages... that’s where the casualties have been – in the layout and design and presentation of the papers.”

Geraldine Allinson, the president the Newspaper Society, said the UK newspaper industry employs around 30,000 people in total and that 10,000 of those are journalists, arguing that in percentage terms “the number of journalists is bigger than it used to be”.

Curran, an NCTJ board member, also told the committee that the economic pressures on the newspaper industry had actually resulted in an “enhanced” level of investigative journalism and that newspapers were now far more comprehensive than they were when he began his career, as regional editors had to work far harder to attract the attention of readers.

[Kevin]

What does the front page apology to our esteemed First Minister in today's News Letter say about the ability of newspapers to defend the mildest of comments on politicans never mind setting out to enhance investigative journalism ?

[Chairman]

As to Mitch's assertion (four above) that I failed geography in being unaware of the existence of Vanutau, I'll have you know that I have consulted my old Kelly Memorial Elementry School atlas, which I still use,and in which a third of the planet is still coloured Empire red, and New Caladonia is still there. As is Rhodesia and Eire. Admittedly this atlas dates from the 1940s but my teacher, the late Miss Perry vouched for its accuracy. I believe you will find that Vanutau is actually the name of that green lady who danced as the opening credits rolled on the original series of Star Trek. As I recall, in one episode, Captain Kirk was contemplating a little cross-fertilisation of the species with the lady. Although personally I always fancied Lt. Ohura, the communications operator.

[sm]

I thought Vanutau was a 1968 No.1 hit for Dave Dee, Dozy, Mick & Titch.

[MS]

You're quite right, Billy: New Caledonis is still New Caledonia. But the New Hebrides is now Vanuatu. Mea culpa.

[A.McQ.]

Why has SM left Beaky out of Dave Dee, Dozy Beaky,Mick and Titch? Has he passed on?

[Graham]

Which one of these five was the (then) policeman who was first on the scene and dealt with the car crash near in which Eddie Cochrane died, and Gene Vincent was seriously injured? I remember reading about it. (C'mon everybody)

[Graham]

..near Bristol, I should have said

[sm]

Sorry AMcQ, don't know what happened to Beaky. My brain must be too far ahead of my typing finger. Or something. And yes, Graham - you're right about the Cochrane crash and the policeman - or police cadet actually - who was there at the time. I won't reveal his name because I remember I mentioned this a year or more ago on the blog - you have a long memory!And there's more - I think the same chap acquired Cochrane's guitar afterwards to start him on his music career. Your final words - "C'mon Everybody" didn't escape me either! Great rock number!

[JC]

Don't know the name of the policemen who attended the crash, but the driver of the taxi was called George Martin, not the Beatles' producer. Incidentally, Eddie was Cochran, not Cochrane ... Ps ... a picture of the Daily Mirror's front page is now up in the Pictures album.

[Emily Lea]

Another slap in the face for the 'pen pushers and drawers', ie subs and designers. Thanks, Ed, for really putting us in our place. Outsourcing was an unpleasant experience. Not only for those of us who were 'pushed' but for those who were left behind in an even quieter newroom than heretofore. Staff morale comes very low in the bosses' list of priorities. Nothing new there then. So glad I worked in the newspaper industry in the good days and have happy memories of them.

[Graham]

APOLOGY

I do apolgise to JC for my slight mistake in referring to the late "Eddie Cochrane" His name was "Eddie Cochran" I assume that the pronunciation is the same.

[JC]

No apology is necessary. We all make mistakes ...

[Chairman]

I love this blog when it gets really surreal. Well done all.

[Graham]

Oh yes, we all make mistakes, but I've worked for nine editors and all of them were courteous enough to point out my mistakes man-to-man. Not publicly.

[Graham]

Apart from what Emily Lea says above, I am surprised that there hasn't been a greater reaction to Ed Curran's address to MPs at Westminster. (Reported above under the heading "Subs - so now you know" - scroll up). Perhaps members here don't want to offend Ed.

Elsewhere on the internet, one contributor said Ed was "talking bollocks". For my part I was taken aback by his statement that "newspapers now are far more comprehensive" than when he started his career.

If Ed is including his own "Belfast Telegraph" in that, that's not my experience.

[Derek Black]

Graham, do you remember the days of 'dog does not bite dog'?
Or even salivate at the distress of others?

[smyth]

Arthur Helliwell wrote a daily bulletin about that day's Express for 20 years. In 1948, he gave a list of cliches that he said should be banned: they include Couldn't care less, couldn't agree more, stole the show, teen-ager (his spelling), in the red, made the grade. That ban really worked.

[smyth]

BBC reporter, female, in a story about an expensive new car, talked about the horsepower ``under the hood.’’ Surely that used to be ``under the bonnet,’’ (and the hood was the canvas top in a convertible). Another example of American English taking over? When I came to North America in 1970, getting knocked up meant an early alarm call (I remember the titters when I offered to knock up my next-door flat mate), but I see the American meaning is now well-known in the British Isles. (Incidentally, and not to get political, does the Republic of Ireland have a word of phrase for the British Isles, since of course it isn’t ``British.’’? ) But there are still lots of differences in the two languages. Here, for instance, the first floor is just that, the ground floor; in Britain it’s one floor up. The pavement here is the roadway ; in Britain it’s the footpath. Here your fanny is your bum; in Britain it isn’t . Presently means now here; in Britain I think it means in a little while. And there are hundreds, maybe thousands more: we bathe wounds but not our babies, we BATH the babies. We spell toward, afterward, etc. without a final s; And we know the difference between farther and further. And we use the letter Z (organize, civilize, ) The Chairman lamented a while back that he had to learn new words when he went to Birmingham; as CopyBoys Billy Oliver and Bob Culbert and Peter McMullan can vouch, we had to learn a new language.

[Graham]

Yes, Mitch...people in the Republic of Ireland DO have a phrase for the British Isles. They refer, usually politicians, to These Islands.

[Graham (in pedant mode!)]

Mail on Sunday "totally refutes" actor Hugh Grant's "smear" against them at the Levenson Inquiry into the future of the Press.

Perhaps they mean that they "reject" his allegation. In "my day" the word "refute" meant to disprove. You'd think a newspaper would know that. The MoS would need to produce proof before they go around refuting. But then the word had become so abused that it's probably now accepted as meaning "rejects"

Meantime, I see that somebody on the net calling himself "The Official Santa" is shouting that it is "less than 800 hours to Christmas" But I can't be bothered blogging-in. Who would want to correct Santa, only a pedant.

[Chris Ryder]

I too am surprised that Ed Curran's testimony has not been more widely challenged. At the recent media debate in the Europa he vouchsafed a sprited defence of the PCC of which he was a member. I found it notably unconvincing. Perhaps he might come on here and explain himself so that we can chew and evaluate his current theories.

[smyth]

Penitent chair: Re. Express item above: I meant Arthur Christiansen, of course.

[Cal McCrystal]

Mitch's observations (above) and interesting. But I'm a little surprised that "pavement" has become "roadway" in his territory. When I lived in the US it was "sidewalk".

[smyth]

Cal, NO no no, what I meant was that pavement here is the roadway in Britain; it's the blacktop between the sidewalks.

[smyth]

I don't know if I made that clear: Let me try again: in North America one steps off the sidewalk on to the pavement in order to cross the road.

[Graham (in pedant mode!)]

This is confusing me. You wouldn't be stepping off the sidewalk to cross the road if the road is called the pavement. You'd be stepping off the sidewalk to cross the pavement

...er, thinking a bit more about it now, I see what Mitch means. In America, we would be stepping off the sidewalk to cross the pavement (which we call the road) On top of all this, as your step off the kerb (sorry sidewalk) you would need to look, not to the right, but to the left, for oncoming traffic which might knock you down. Unlike in this country, where we look to the right for oncoming traffic.

Don't think I'd better to to North America.
Never been there. Have been to Japan, though, which is a lot safer, because they drive on the left, so pedestrians look to the right. (You didn't know that?)

But then again, in Japan, it's hard to find some addresses. This is because in certain district of the cities, buildings are numbered in the order in which they were built. So No.12 will not necessarily be next door to No 14. It could be No 27 next door!

[Chairman]

Having read all these explanations about international traffic rules, I now feel confident that I have the capacity to be hit by a truck in any country in the world.

[peter mcmullan]

Gentlemen. We are missing a preposition...in North America one would step off of the sidewalk. The use of 'off of' in these parts annoys me daily almost as much as the increasingly common failure to distinguish between its and it's.

[RedRick]

"Edmund Curran, the former editor of the Belfast Telegraph, believes that sub-editors and design staff have instead borne the brunt of the cuts."
What about the Photographers Ed - there's none left!!!
Of course we always knew that the Tele management thought of Photographers as second class journalists.
The only NATIONAL title to still have it's own picture staff is the Irish News!
Furthermore, in the past five years I have only been asked to cover one news assignment for the Tele despite being told in conversation that I would get plenty of work as a freelance, being held in high regard!!! In the past year,I have been told that they can no longer afford to pay for or use any sports pictures I submit as they have a contract with a Belfast Agency. Is it any wonder that more journalists/ photographers are relying on PR work to make a meagre living.
I read a lot in The Journalist about the quality of present day reporting/photogaphy. about newspapers simply lifting PR/Council press releases verbatim and using many images with blatant branding instead of investigating and looking for the stories and pictures underneath the PR gloss.
I'm sorry, but that line of thinking may still be ok for the idealistic - as I once was - but I and many like me, still need to earn some sort of living.
Have to say I agree 100% with Emily Lea's comment and can end in no better way than to use her words, "So glad I worked in the newspaper industry in the good days and have happy memories of them."
And of my former colleagues.